Social Kapital Joel Postman

Tighter air travel regulations have been in the news in the wake of the attempted bombing of Northwest Flight 253 from Amsterdam to Detroit on Christmas Day.

We owe a debt of gratitude to regulators and legislators for preventing the adoption of some additional, and quite onerous, rules. Some of these unimplemented rules include:

• Passengers will receive either a first-class upgrade or 20,000 frequent flyer miles for bringing to the attention of the flight crew suspicious activity by a seat-mate. Behaviors that warrant intervention include furtive expressions, the wearing of inappropriate clothing, or ordering from the Sky Mall catalog.
• Passengers will be required to speak Swedish and wear their underwear on the outside at all times while on board the aircraft. Since terrorists don’t know Swedish, this will make it easier to spot them, and will make it impossible for them to conceal dangerous items in their underwear.*
• The restrooms in the aircraft will be locked at all times. Passengers are urged instead to use restrooms at home or in the airport. In either case, a video record of these activities must be uploaded to the TSA Web site at least one hour prior to departure time.
• In the event that the flight crew identifies a potentially threatening situation while airborne, screaming babies will be removed from the main cabin and placed in protective custody in the cargo hold.
• Bratz and Barbie branded toys will not be allowed on board the aircraft. (This is less a security precaution than it is a matter of good taste.)

We are fortunate indeed that cooler heads prevailed.

* With apologies to Woody Allen